Croc Vs. Face

My all boy boys and I went to the park last week to enjoy some fresh air. Let me rephrase that. My all boy boys and I went to the park last week so that our house wouldn't collapse from their bodies bouncing off of the walls and into each other. That's more accurate. My beautiful well behaved most of the time and mostly clean most of the time kiddos were playing their favorite "park game:" HELP ME! I'M FALLING TO MY DEATH!! We are currently pitching it to Hasbro as a board game. I found a bench situated under an oak tree with shade! Score The temperature went from 100 degrees to 85 automatically on that bench!

It had been a solid five minutes of pure park pleasure but the mom in me knew this was to end soon. Mom's don't get to lounge in the shade at playgrounds. I knew something was bound to happen because my shoulders had just relaxed and a breeze had blown in to sweeten the deal. Naturally, we mom's don't get the pleasure of enjoying playground breezes with out SOME consequence. I was now staring at my oldest, E.J..

The unrelenting Texas sun was beating down on his 7 yr. old sweaty auburn head. His bright chestnut eyes caught mine and very clearly those gorgeous eyes said, "You didn't see that. Did you? No. You didn't. Right?" He was frozen with his bum next to the top of the slide, right foot straight down the slide, left foot propped up on the side of the slide and hands propping him up behind his rear. Natural pose. Nothing at all curious about that.

What I had just "not" seen was E.J. plant his camo Croc firmly on my cherubic 3 1/2 yr. old Brodie's face and shove him down the slide to certain doom because at the bottom was molten lava filled with starving sharks waiting to devour E.J.'s precious little brother. Brodie sat at the bottom of the slide with tears in his hazel eyes as would you! After all, he was sitting in LIQUID FIRE and sharks were circling and the boy at the top of the slide was supposed to be the one to HELP HIM BECAUSE HE'S FALLING TO HIS DEATH!! (Board game coming soon.) Plus, his face hurt.

My eyes, not wanting to leave my eldest's questioning eyes unanswered replied, "Hell yes I just saw that!" My eyes swear at my kids. They've no self-control. My head cocked sharply to the side, my right arm shot stiffly straight out in front of me and my index finger jutted directly at the ground in front of me. My eyes fixed keenly on him and one eyebrow lifted menacingly showing him that I'm not EVEN playing. I must have looked like a pissed off android. That's what I was going for. Pissed off androids seem to scare my kids.

E.J. quickly began the barrage of excuses and denials. "I didn't DO anything! He slipped! I slipped! He made me! I didn't KNOW my shoe was on his face!!" I eventually ended the parade coming out of his mouth with a Dr. Evil-esque, "Zip it! Zzzzzipp it!!! Just ZIP it!" He finally zipped it. I met him at the bottom of the slide where I was kissing away the size 1 to 2 Croc mark from Brodie's forehead and convincing to get back up and keep playing. Then E.J. and I walked back to my once upon a time relaxing perch.

Now, I'm from the Old School. The school which endorses idle threats and lame punishments. Where timeouts are given but the length of which are not enforced because the lecture that precedes them is deducted from the sentence. My school says, "Go tell your brother you're sorry and give him a hug." There IS another school. This school calls my school crap and runs to grab the nearest branch. My grandma was headmaster.

So, I issued my idle threat. "Do THAT again and we're leaving." (Girl, PLEASE! I'm not going home until the two of them are pouring sweat and complaining of being tired. Because then and ONLY then will they be worn out at the home I'm trying to save from destruction!) I gave my sorry lecture about not shoving feet into people's noses because it's mean and hurtful and you love him and he's your only brother...you get the idea. I then dished out the lame punishment of six minutes timeout minus three for the lecture and said, "Now go tell your brother you're sorry and give him a hug." He did just that. He told Brodie he was sorry and gave him a borderline crushing hug.

Brodie didn't want said hug and punched E.J. in the stomach.

I'll talk with Brodie later.

E.J. seemed to get over it and ran up the slide to fall down and yell for help. Brodie ran up the stairs to save his comrade in danger. Full circle! I went back to my special throne and quickly reentered the reality where my boys loved to play together at the park and I could enjoy their hearty laughs and shout about how wonderful their karate kicks and upside down swinging were! They found camouflaged Light Sabers obviously designed to look like sticks and dueled. E.J. let Brodie be Anakin this time.

My all boy boys are awesome!